Madness, madness, all is madness...

Much as I love this country, there are times...

One of the particular quirks of this country is the bureacracy one encounters, particularly with regard to sponsorship and residency. Part of this process is the presentation and attestation of degrees, a task recently taken over by Empost, who are now handling all such transactions on behalf of the DNRD.

As part of the process of changing sponsors, I handed our PRO attested copies of my relevant qualifications. My Degree and Diploma have been presented to the DNRD twice previously, and deemed acceptable on both occasions. In fact, there are no less than seven endorsing marks on each:

1 Signature, stamp and embossed seal of the University Secretary, authenticating the original issue.
2 Declaration by the Senior Admin Officer of the Registry, confirming same under "The Statutory Declations Act, 1835"
3 Handwritten endorsement by a licensed Notary Public in Edinburgh, authenticating the above
4 Stamp and seal of the British Council in Dubai confirming that it is an original document
4 Stamp and seal of the British Embassy, Dubai, endorsed and holographed by a notary from the British Council, Dubai.
5 An Apostille attached by the Foreign and Commonwealth Office in London, confirming the above signature, this too signed and embossed by the FCO
6 This Apostille is stamped, signed and sealed by the Embassy of the UAE in London
7 The Degree is separately stamped and signed by the UAE Office of Internal Affaires, confirming the authenticity of the UK UAE Consular stamp

So it's real, OK?

Not good enough for Empost. They now intend to contact the issuing institution to satisfy themselves that the document so thoroughly endorsed and attested was in fact issued by said institution. Not the DNRD, not the Embassy, not the FCO, nor any other UAE institution is going to dissuade them from this paperchase. By the time they have finished, it won't be possible to read the original document...

.. what a pointless waste of time and trees. And all to justify Empost's existence.

Happiness is no accident?

It occurred to me this morning as I made my way to work through the Salik section of Shk Zayed Road that it has been a remarkable two weeks. Dubai Police reckon that, after Emirates Road, this section of SZR is the most acciednt-prone in the UAE, and can quote depressing figures for death and injuries occuring by the hour.

Yet the past two weeks have been, until this morning, accident free, at least at those times when I commute to work. Previously, I doubt a day went by when I did not sit in a jam with a thousand other frustrated drivers waiting for the rubberneckers to let the police get on with their gruesome job.

Which is why this morning was unusal. I didn't see the crunch, but there was a depressingly familiar tialback Jebel Ali-bound from somewhere near Interchage 3, the first I have been aware of since the introduction of Salik. Now, whilst I am loathe to give the RTA any credit at all for their machinations, there does seem to have been a real reduction in the carnage on Shk Zayed Road. Is this simply a function of reduced traffic volume, and the rate of accidents per vehicle is unchanged? Has the carnage been displaced to minor roads and residential areas? I'm sure the Police will have statistics to describe the phenomenon, but I wondered what experiences other members have to report.

No fish on Friday

Having been so impressed with the quality and variety of fish on display on our new LuLu Hypermarket last week, I paid a return visit yesterday. We had a couple of friends coming to dinner, and as it has been a little while since I did any serious cooking, our thoughts turned to fish. Maybe a turbot, steamed with ginger and spring onions. Or a nice piece of halibut, served with wilted greens and a sauce vierge. Spent a happy hour with Gordon Ramsay and Charlie Trotter looking for inspiration and ideas.

And so to shop. The best part of planning a dinner party is not planning what you're actually going to cook. Instead, I like to go to shops and markets, to see what is freshest and best on the day, use that as the foundation for the meal. So while I think in broad terms about the structure of the menu, the actual ingredients are dictated by what's on display. Hence the return to LuLu, to see what delights the fish counter holds today.

Actually, pretty much the same as it held last week. Turbot, halibut, monkfish, cod, and a lot of smaller freshwater fish I don't recognise. Problem was, I'm almost certain that it's not just the same selection as last week, it's the same fish. Grey gills, dull eyes, and an ammonia stench that would stop a charging rhino in its tracks. Woeful.

This tragedy was compounded by the clueless serve person behind the oderiferous pile. Didn't know a thing about fish, couldn't tell me where any of it came from, couldn't tell me when it arrived or how long it had been hanging around rotting on the slab. Such a shame. All that investment and enthusiasm laid waste by cack-handed management and incompetent staffing.

Our rack of organic lamb from Nils was very nice indeed.

Shopping with Lulu

Finally, after months of anticipation, the new LuLu Hypermarket in Al Barsha opened its doors. Shame it is such a clone of the current dominant rivals, Carrefour and Geant, each a clone of the other, and both aped by the new Hyper Panda in Festival City.

Yet despite aiming at the lowest common denominator and falling short, the new Lulu does have a number of redeeming feautres. It really is worth figuring out the lunatic access route through backroad Barsha.

First up, fish. Here is a selection to rival any on offer at Shindaga, presented in much fresher and more hygenic condition by people who really do know what they're talking about. Fabulous turbot, Big sole. Brown, mud and spider crabs. Small Australian oysters, deeply flavoured and absolutely worth 2 dirhams a pop. Smoked haddock, properly un-dyed. Many, many varieties of fish I had never seen before, let alone know how to cook. This is going to be a long fun process.

Elsewhere, good to see such delights as fresh duck eggs alongside the usual plethora of hens'. Organic ones too, at a good price.

And talking of organics, go find the vegetable stall at the far end of the shop. Loads of choice, and again sensibly priced. Mostly sourced from nearby too, which is a (food miles) bonus. How organic is asparagus that's flown halfway round the world?

Good to see also some of the more interesting bits of beast. Alongside all the expected steaks and fillets, here were ox hearts and tongues, not fare for the squeamish, but a joy to cook, and imbued with unrivalled flavour.

Best of all was the fact that in all of the vast store there were only a few handfuls of shoppers, and yet every single checkout was manned (or womaned). So in, shop at leisure for interesting, inexpensive stuff, and leave without without uneccesary delay. Lulu's a star!